It’s Gonna Be May

Posted on by under Caffeine-Fueled Ramblings, Nonsense, Nostalgia

Today is April 30th. It’s a significant day for two reasons:

  1. April 30 is apparently Time For Jason to Churn Out a Silly, Ridiculous, Half-Joking, Last Minute Blog Post Day, and
  2. its gonna be may

Look, I’m not even going to try and make the outrageous claim that I came up with this particular pun(?), even if I had thought to do it last year when there was still a bit of a novelty factor. Basically, as my weird annual obsession with Bill Nye, Snoop Dogg and Randy Savage* mashed up via their respective theme songs that somehow fit together perfectly with What Is Love seems to show, I’m more or less perpetually stuck in the Internet of Yesteryear.

*Side note: I’ve recently learned that after Randy Savage’s death, Charles Barkley has risen up to take his place as the (literal) face of the Space Jam theme song, and all its respective mashups: 

I’m pretty certain this association stems from the game Barkley, Shut Up and Jam: Gaiden, or at least its amazing trailer:

So is the fact that today’s post opens with a reference to a meme that apparently only just surfaced last year on here a sign of progress? Then again, the meme itself references a song from 13 years ago–perhaps if I keep moving backwards with my references the Internet will catch up with me? Or I’ll catch up with the Internet? Considering the nostalgic obsessions of youth were the 80s when I was in high school, the 90s when I was in college, and the early 2000s now, perhaps in just a couple more years the Internet will catch up to my beloved circa-2005-06 Snoop Nye the Slam Guy mashup and latch onto that, bringing everything full circle. On like the fourth or fifth hand, that mashup pretty much references All the 90s Ever.

Here I saved you the trouble of Googling "all the 90s ever"

Here I saved you the trouble of Googling “all the 90s ever”

Wow, I really wasn’t planning on making today’s post into such a long, confusing reflection on nostalgia, references, The Internet, and Charles Barkley. (Another side note: “The Internet and Charles Barkley” sounds like the title of an awesome short story, play, musical, and/or film, possibly as a sequel to ”The Devil and Daniel Webster,” which by extension I know about because of the Simpsons Halloween episode co-written by Conan O’Brien.)

The actual purpose of this post was again, for two reasons:

  1. To alert readers that no, I haven’t forgotten this blog and yes, I am planning on posting more regularly starting in May. There’s been quite a lot going on job-wise, apartment-wise and life-wise, and I’ve simply had to put this particular blog and its childish illustrations on the back-burner, sadly. When I have to focus on things like eating and paying the rent first, this is the most expendable thing I have going on. Not that I enjoy expending it. In the coming weeks I’ll share some more about some of the crazy things that have been going on, as well as some silly posts about GIFs or something.
  2. its gonna be may

This Just In: Craigslist is Still a Cesspool

Posted on by under Caffeine-Fueled Ramblings

holy crap
A couple years ago, I wrote a post that rustled a few jimmies. The takeaway here was that the Internet is a place for dicks to put their dickery on proud display, and many were using Craigslist gig listings as a vehicle for their dickery, effectively turning a once useful tool into a forum on whether or not unpaid gigs have the right to exist there.

When I was looking for some help in creating a web series back when I had little to no connections here, I incurred a little wrath and couldn’t keep my post up for more than 20 minutes. I wasn’t happy about it at the time, but right now I’d like to change my tune and say that unpaid gigs are rather annoying to have to sift through to find anything worth my time, now that I’m searching for gigs myself and can’t really afford to take on unpaid ones.

So yeah, I’ve changed my mind. But as you can see in the above image, Craigslist hasn’t really changed at all. Literally more than half of those posts are nothing more than bickering back and forth on the virtues of flagging, with people proudly claiming allegiance to the “pro-flagging” or “anti-flagging” camps, as if the act of “flagging” is some sort of high-minded political movement. Take it down a notch, guys.

"If thou art indeed of the No Flags Crusade, then why dost thou carry a flag that states thine cause?"

“If thou art indeed of the No Flags Crusade, then why dost thou carry a flag that states thine cause?”

And then there’s this video which, like the whole gig feed warzone, gives me some pretty mixed feelings:

Like, I get it. I agree with what’s being said here, but not entirely with the way it’s being said. For most of the video, it’s pretty spot on, and covers all my pet peeves when I’m looking for gigs (insistence on applicants having a RED EPIC stands out as an especially annoying one), but near the end, it descends from satirical humor into angry ranting. Angry ranting is really hard to pull off by even the best comedians, and even then the humor is pretty subjective. Like when the guy with glasses is all flustered, sputtering “No pay!!! NO PAY!!!” right into the camera, what is that? That’s where the video loses me. That’s where it crosses the line into cynical, and I just don’t like cynicism. Sorry. (I’m not sorry.)

It’s an interesting issue. And I think it should be discussed. I just don’t think that gig listings are the right place for this sort of thing. If there’s a takeaway for today’s post, it’s this:

IMG_0099

IMG_0098

I don’t know, maybe I’m overreacting. Craigslist isn’t so bad. At least there’s still the job listi-

Oh.

Oh.

Yeah, maybe I should just stick to Mandy.

Let’s talk about the concept of Drunk Blogging

Posted on by under Nonsense

Hey did

Hey did you know it’s the evening of February 28th?

And that February only has 28 days in 2013? Why can’t it be a Leap Year!

My problem is that, even with my admittedly spotty update schedule, I haven’t missed a month on blogging on this thing. That’s impressive, right? And so, even when I go, like, a month and a half without posting a post on here, I can’t allow myself to miss a month. I have that archive right there on the right sidebar, and if I stupidly miss one, then it’ll always be staring me in the face forever. And I can’t let that happen.

Also, look at this:

Untitled

For some bizarre reason November 2012 was a really good month.

Look how much my views have fallen off since early January. Well you can’t really just by looking, but where it says “week 2″ is the second week of January. It’s like a cliff and my readers just jumped off of it. Either that, or people just stopped looking up phrases like “rustled my jimmies” or “no tears only dreams now”. It was fun while it lasted, but I knew rough times were ahead when EnviroKidz changed their boxes and got rid of their paragon of calmness gorilla mascot.

There is literally every need to be upset.

There is literally every need to be upset.

Anyway, it’s not like I didn’t try to make a new post before the very last minute. I have 5 different drafts saved for future posts! They’re just kind of all… crappy. Or if not crappy, they’re taking on a really weird and complex concept like New Sincerity, and I kind of have to be in the right kind of mood to write a post like that. I’m not saying it will never happen, it’s just that I’ll probably end up deleting that draft to clean things up like I did with a never-published post ironically titled, “How To Defeat Procrastination.”

So, rather than writing a post explaining reasons I don’t have a post, I initiated Plan Woodchuck, which I came up with months ago and involves drinking a whole lot of cider and seeing what happens.

Look, I’m going to level with you. Today’s post is admittedly not up to my usual standards, and I apologize for that. So I’m going to try and come up with something nice in a few days. I’m just trying to get onto a schedule here. To make amends, have some photos I haven’t had an excuse to post before.

This is some graffiti in Greenpoint?

This is some graffiti in Greenpoint?

An Unflattering Buffy Screencap, circa Hurricane Sandy

An Unflattering Buffy Screencap, circa Hurricane Sandy

Me enjoying an out-of-season candycane. A rare selfie from someone who never takes selfies.

Me enjoying an out-of-season candycane. A rare selfie from someone who never takes selfies.

 

 

BILL NYE DAY: THE RISE OF SNOOP LION

Posted on by under Lists, Nonsense

Once again, it’s time for the beginning of a new year, and once again people are driving me completely insane abbreviating New Year’s Eve as NYE. I really can’t explain why I find it so nails-on-a-chalkboard annoying. Perhaps it’s because I expect every acronym with NY in it to have something to do with New York, or perhaps I can’t see that cluster of letters without immediately thinking of Bill Nye. And my blog has certainly covered Bill Nye before, along with Snoop Dogg Lion and Macho Man Randy Savage (RIP), which I’ve sort of made into a New Year’s Triumvirate. I really, really hope that catches on.

Why isn't this already a Saturday Morning Cartoon?

Why isn’t this already a Saturday Morning Cartoon?

Let me at least make an effort to explain the insanity. Way, way back in the mid-2000s, the site YTMND (which is apparently still a thing?) had a clusterfuck of a meme called Snoop Nye the Slam Guy, combining three pre-existing memes involving the Bill Nye theme, Snoop Dogg’s “Drop It Like It’s Hot,” and the Space Jam theme, which was often accompanied by a photo of Randy Savage. Still with me here? Anyway, for some reason this relic of long Internets past stuck with me and I decided to blog about it. And then I made the dubious connection of NYE = Bill Nye, and decided to run with it.

On top of that, last year I made a list of 26 Things To Do Before I’m 26. And I did a pretty good job of crossing most stuff off of that list! So I’ll do the same thing for this year, with my list of 27 Things To Do Before I’m 27. I guess it’s just luck that my birthday falls pretty closely to Bill Nye Day.

27 Bill Nye Day Resolutions for Before I Turn 27

  1. Let’s be honest here. I want to have some more crazy nights. Like, not all the time, but I’d like to have the option of ragers on the table.
  2. Go to more shows. I got kind of lazy around the end of this year, and when a band I liked was playing, I was like, “I’d like to do, but I’d also like to sit and watch DVDs.”
  3. Take better care of myself. Obama decided that 26 is the age where you have to provide your own healthcare, so I’m going to make this the year I start making healthier habits. More fruits and vegetables! Whole grains! Lots of water! In fact I’ll make water the only liquid I keep, aside from orange juice and coffee. And at least some sort of exercise. I don’t need to become a preachy health nut, but my youthful metabolism isn’t what it used to be. And no way in hell am I giving up cheeseburgers.
  4. On that note, I need to be able to provide my own healthcare. I will accomplish that either by becoming a successful enough freelancer to afford Freelancer’s Insurance, or somehow find a part time job that miraculously provides health benefits.
  5. Start dressing better. No need to buy more t-shirts; buy nice clothes that fit well and won’t unravel after 10 wears.
  6. Take some day trips, on the LIRR, or the Metro North Railroad, or even to New Jersey.
  7. Learn to log my hours. Include everything in invoices.
  8. Keep a really good track of expenses and income.
  9. Start #8 by getting ready for 2012 taxes. I don’t want to have to pay a ton like I did last year, so I gotta go through all the receipts and deduct ALL THE THINGS.
  10. Have more varied tastes when it comes to music.
  11. Make a new reel for 2013, and make a big portfolio update.
  12. Invest in some lights. They’re not even that much! These were recommended by Vimeo.
  13. Shoot more Super-8. ‘fetti 2: fête harder is begging to be made.
  14. Shoot more music videos. This may overlap with #11 (I certainly hope it does)
  15. Have a music video featured on a major music blog like Stereogum.
  16. Get something into a film festival.
  17. Hell, start writing a feature. There, I said it. If Lena Dunham can shoot a critical darling on a 7D, why not me?
  18. Learn Not To Fear The Internet or: Learn To Stop Worrying and Love The Internet
  19. That reminds me. Watch more movies, dammit. This shouldn’t even have to be a resolution.
  20. Ride the H Train while it’s still a thing. Instagram that shizz.
  21. Post regularly on The Once and Future Coffee Addict. Aim for once a week, but make sure it’s consistent (this may be the most challenging one).
  22. Have your writing and/or illustrations featured somewhere like Buzzfeed, Thought Catalog, or some other trendy site.
  23. In any situation, ask yourself: What Would Tavi Do?
  24. Depending on the situation, feel free to substitute Tavi for any of the following: Conan O’Brien, Lena Dunham, Wes Anderson, Quentin Tarantino, Allie Brosh, Ryan O’Connel, Emma Koenig, Ira Glass, Florence Welch, Dee Dee (from Dum Dum Girls), James Murphy, Mr. Rogers, Bill Murray, Jake the Dog, Finn the Human, Batman, Will Patterson, Kristina Uriegas-Reyes, Zola Jesus, or pretty much anyone else you follow on Twitter.
  25. Avoid snark at all costs; approach the world with genuine curiosity and a celebratory outlook.
  26. If there’s one thing to cut back on, it’s derping around on the Internet.
  27. Don’t change a damn thing about your coffee intake.

Everything Went Better Than Expected (in 2012)

Posted on by under Lists

There comes a time in every long-running series’ life when they need to do a clip show. I just had my 100th post on here, and what better time to reflect on the past year than just before BILL NYE DAY? 2012 was a pretty insane year for me, and I’ve hand-picked and curated 12 artesanal moments from the past year that particularly stand out.

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1. Filming ‘fetti

I’m pretty sure ‘fetti was what got the ball rolling on my triumphant return to filmmaking this year. Getting a Super-8 camera from the 60s off eBay and making my first Super-8 film was quite an experience, from carrying a ton of balloons on the subway to Will’s narration in the rehearsal. Having that short film under my belt led to a lot of opportunities, and I’m not sure I would have accomplished all the things I did this year if it weren’t for that.

2 & 3. Surprisingly deep moments with cab drivers in East Hampton

That whole East Hampton trip for my boss was a bizarre, weird experience where I drank more consecutive coffee cups than I ever had in my life, and picked up some skills I never thought I’d need. But the most interesting encounters I had were two different conversations with two different cab drivers out there. The first was the woman who picked me up from the bus stop late at night right after I had arrived, and I learned her whole story about how she became an East Hampton cab driver, how she used to live in the building I worked, and how on some nights she would drive drunk rich people home to Manhattan on a $600 bill. Everything sounds deeper when you’re driving down a dark country road in the middle of the night.

The second one was the day before my boss’s party, and a guy maybe a bit older than me picked me up in what looked like an airport shuttle van. Basically, we had to pick up party supplies from two places, but once the second party place saw our supplies from the first place, they refused to rent it to us and we had to drive around town to find more supplies. We found a hardware store and ended up getting coffee next door while I waited for my boss to call me back regarding the supplies.

4. Losing my job & beginning the freelance life

That same job didn’t last much longer beyond the East Hampton trip. The day I left for good, I was in such a weird, lightheaded state of disbelief that it was actually over that I didn’t really know what to do with myself. That very evening though, I had what turned out to be my first meeting with my first significant freelance client. So literally, one job ended and another began within a few hours of each other.

gpoint

5. Watching the sun rise from my rooftop

I don’t always stay out all night, but when I do, I make it memorable. That rooftop scene that I made into the cover of Pitchfork’s Album of the Year 2013 came after a long crazy night that included a crust punk party, a pretty dramatic argument, taking buses and subways all over northern Brooklyn, me contemplating life ‘n’ stuff on a Greenpoint pier while looking at Manhattan all lit up across the East River, and meeting up with my best friend and the three girls in the above photo at the end of a warehouse show, just as the crusties started heading home. After meeting the guy from Neon Indian (who apparently lives in Greenpoint now?) it didn’t take much convincing for me to welcome everybody up to my roof to cap off the night by greeting the morning. Also conveniently for me, I was the only one who didn’t have to sleepily make my way back home after that.

IMG_0276

6. Watching the sun rise from the A train

Yeah it was a ridiculous idea but it was worth it. And now, in New York City A.S. (After Sandy), I wouldn’t even be able to do it! At least not until the A Train can head to the Rockaways once more. You know, they probably didn’t realize it, but I really shared a bond with my fellow overnight subway riders. And I’m sure they’d be thrilled to hear that.

This amazing photo was taken on the first try by Matthew Narvin.

I had to post this amazing photo again. Taken on the first try by Matthew Narvin.

7. The brisket at the All New York’s a Venue First Anniversary Potluck

Oh man, that brisket? It’s like some real, game-changing brisket right there. And imagine, I never would have known about it if it weren’t for a raffle at The Bell House where Will was working the right night at the right place.

8. The Road Trip to New Paltz

Post-Job Me was more than happy to take a gig helping Kristina sell stuff at her boss’s pop-up shop upstate. Also, you know, road trip. I never would have guessed that I’d be driving so much this year. We took the scenic route, driving through the surprisingly gorgeous Hoboken and seeing some amazing views of Manhattan across the Hudson. We stopped at a diner for a float and some macaroni salad and talked to a weird guy. There’s always a weird guy.

Oh and I forgot to mention I was still getting acquainted with my camera and I glitched up half the photos I took with it. But look at that apartment!

Oh and I forgot to mention I was still getting acquainted with my camera and I glitched up half the photos I took with it. But look at that apartment!

9. Arriving in Montreal

Honestly I just miss being shown around Montreal by two gracious hosts with an amazing apartment.

midnight bus

10. The Ridiculously Early Bus Stop in the Middle of Nowhere 

Taking the night bus back to New York from Toronto was an experience. An experience we’ll never have again. Have you ever been sleeping in a cramped bus seat and then suddenly have to get out with your luggage to get chewed out by customs agents at Niagara Falls? Or then have to get out again, three hours later, at The McDonald’s At The Edge Of Civilization? I know there’s a lot of places you can picture yourself, but nothing prepared me for when I took in my surroundings while standing in line with a busload of strangers at a truck stop McDonalds. I can’t explain why that moment stuck with me, it just did.

This picture wasn't taken during the Post-Sandy Haze, nor was it taken during Sandy. It is pretty hazy though.

This picture wasn’t taken during the Post-Sandy Haze, nor was it taken during Sandy. It is pretty hazy though.

11. The Post-Sandy Haze

We all thought Hurricane Sandy was going to be a joke, so we all sat making memes even while the hurricane was bearing down on us. After the storm lifted though, we all had a chance to see the mess it made. It was kind of a lot to take in, knowing that half of Manhattan was without power and entire neighborhoods in Staten Island, Queens and Brooklyn were badly damaged, and we were just a couple miles away from it all. As transportation slowly came back to life, it was hard to get back into old routines. Sandy dominated the news for the first couple of weeks after it hit.

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12. The Triumphant Return of the G Train to a Winter Wonderland

The G train was, predictably, one of the last trains to come back after Sandy. The day it did come back, a winter storm hit, and I was completely unaware of both developments because all day long I was running sound on a web series shoot in the subway. After getting off the G for the first time in over a week and finally coming up above ground for the first time in hours, I was pretty surprised to see my neighborhood covered in snow.

2012 in Pop Culture

Posted on by under Lists

What will 2012 be remembered for? The year the world didn’t end? I already covered music and tweets, and now I’m going to cover everything else. I’d say they were all things I enjoyed, but some of the categories here are dubious honors at best.

Best Movie: Moonrise Kingdom

moonrise-kingdom-poster1

Best Movie Partially Shot on a Canon 7D (like the one I totally have): The Avengers

Best TV Show: Adventure Time

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Best TV Show That Only Got to Show Half a Season This Year: Community

Memes of the Year:

  • Dolan
    tumblr_m5sj4af9gM1ryfhnso1_1280This is the tamest Dolan comic I could find. Most are decidedly NSFW. Yet the part of me that laughs at the utterly stupidest things can’t help but crack up at this.
  • Grumpy Cat
    1588057_15436740_lzGrumpy Cat snuck up on me and grumpily stole my heart.
  • [MUFFLED RAP MUSIC PLAYING IN THE DISTANCE]tumblr_mcc2u7QWam1rjsgixo1_1280Fun fact: While we were all quarantined during Hurricane Sandy, I laughed so hard at this meme that I couldn’t breathe, started choking, and eventually threw up. It would have been even more hilarious if it weren’t so traumatic.
  • Ikea Monkey
    tumblr_mfm753SKkF1rj6ffuo1_500Pretty much anything combining this photo with some faux deep Tumblr quote was more or less instantly hilarious. It was a good year for monkey memes! With the Ikea Monkey looking pretty much exactly like that botched Spanish fresco of Jesus from earlier this year, life imitated art in the best way possible.

Most Annoying Shitstorms:

  • The Backlash against Girls/Lena Dunham/Millennials in general: Oh man, aren’t Millennials just the worst generation ever? I mean, Lena Dunham had her own crap to deal with, running afoul of the P.C. Police, but just in general, this was the year Girls, Thought Catalog, Fuck! I’m In My 20s, and other Millennial Media came into prominence, and a whole bunch of grumpy older folks and more-successful-than-thou fellow Millennials came out of the woodwork to pounce. It was really obnoxious.
  • The Election: Not so much the election itself, but its effect on social media made going on the Internet much more stressful than it should have been. You end up with the conundrum of, “should I unfriend this person constantly making hateful political rants, should I unfollow them, or should I grin and bear it?” Articles could be written about this and only this, and I’m pretty sure a few were this year.
  • Hurricane Sandy: Pretty much the most literal shitstorm of the year, especially when you consider how it caused Newtown Creek and the Gowanus Canal to overflow.

Art Form of the Year: GIFs. GIFs are a gift. Don’t let anyone tell you differently. So much can be told in a gif. If a still picture is worth a thousand words, how much is this animated gif worth?

anigif_enhanced-buzz-6068-1355938609-14

Probably more than you can comprehend.

Word of the Year: Derp.